PRESS RELEASE: I’m Demanding @LonzoWire Hire Me Immediately

USA Today has done the unthinkable. Something so dirty, so disgusting, so vile, SO ASENINE, that it’s painful to even type. But I’ll give it a go nonetheless.

They’ve gone and started an entire website to the Ball family…

Without hiring me…

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Look I’m angry too, but let’s take a seat and relax. Sure, I’m the one whose on the front lines DAILY defending Lavar and Lonzo and the whole team on twitter:

There have been the articles. Including this one that started it all back in March. I haven’t missed an episode of Ball in the Family yet. And sure, maybe I’m not a full Big Baller yet since I don’t really have the funds to be making a purchase like that, but I’ve certainly thought about bankrupting myself in order to buy the ZO’s and Lamelo’s. Does that count for nothing in this day and age?

Despite all of that, USA Today had the unmitigated gall to not reach out to me when they created a site dedicated to the entire family. Wasn’t surprised, just disappointed I guess.

With that being said, it’s now that the press needs to be informed. After reading the press release, please send it to your favorite journos so they know what’s going down. It’s a grassroots movement, and you guys are the dirt (this metaphor sounded air tight in the my cranium).

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Shoot, wrong one, here you go:

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A logical next question is, whomst do I send this too? Can I get in trouble for a threat like this? Will I actually follow through on said threat? Will I even remember this bit in 4 days? To those doubts, and those concerns, there’s only one way to answer. As your leader, as someone whomst you look up to, I make this promise to you based on those doubts: we’ll see.

 

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