2017 saw the emergence of new stars across the sporting spectrum. Not talking about on the court stuff, but off the court stuff. This was the year of people embracing their true selves, and a lot of the credit for that goes to the culture for praising it. Without us on Twitter gassing up Shannon Sharpe, there’s no way he’s on whatever that FS1 show is drinking Henny. But, the year can only truly belong to one person. Without further ado, here are our nominees for the Crossover Report Person of the Year.
NBA Alter Egos: Untucked Kyrie, Untucked and Masked Kyrie, Gang Sign John Wall, Passive Aggressive Meme Posting Bron, Hoodie Melo
Of all of these, Hoodie Melo was the closest to being an actual candidate, and people are going to be pissed he’s not in the final round. If it were say 2 months ago, he’s in the final four without a doubt. Because there was a point I thought he was invincible. Those videos of him knocking down 12 footers in an empty gym with the hood literally over his face had me sold. But the Thunder have been so meh it felt out of place to let him advance. PLUS he hasn’t worn it in a game yet. That breaks my heart. Stick to what you believe in Melo.
Similar reasons go for why the rest are honorable mentions. The US military couldn’t defend against Untucked Kyrie, but he doesn’t do enough for the culture (aka he’s a corn ball). Gang Sign John Wall can’t get past Bron in the Playoffs, and Passive Agressive Meme Posting Bron is too far behind on what memes are being posted. A good effort by all, but just be better next year.
Like Nader, JR’s on the ballot every year. Lives every day the way I want to live every day. God Bless your soul Pipe God.
We say stuff like “he’s not human” a lot to describe a dunk. But truthfully, I believe in my heart that if we tested Zion Williamson’s blood, we would find that he isn’t from this universe. The stuff he doesn’t add up. Dunks, blocks, breathing, he’s the first human being that straight up doesn’t make sense. Look at this nonsense:
He’s not even at his athletic peak yet. At 17. I’ve already picked my side and supporting argument for the “who’s a better dunker, Zion or Vince Carter” fight.
Miami’s Turnover Chain
They’re an easy finalist if they make the college football playoff. For a solid month this was the most important thing in my life. Every day I woke up and went to bed thinking about the almighty powers of that train.
My favorite human to walk this earth
That little smirk, with those eyes, and that sort of courage? Maybe he should’ve been a finalist, idk idk idk.
p.s. please someone for the love of god tell me that he got up, nobody’s ever confirmed.
Now that we’re through the honorable mentions, it’s time we get to the ones that really matter. The ones you’ve been waiting for, and the ones that will set the Internet on fire. Ladies and gentleman, I give to you, your finalists for the 2017 Crossover Report Person of the Year Award, in no particular order:
SUPER late entry to the game. Wasn’t even on our radar until the last week. Sir Charles saved America though. Without him, we’d have a child molester in the US Senate. That’s the change in the world most people just talk about doing, while Chuck was actually out there doing it. There were moments where Charles wasn’t exactly the ideal person:
HOWEVUH, and I don’t mean to be redundant, but he kept. a. child. molester. out. of. our. senate. Upheld our constitution and made George Washington smile in his grave.
Like Lebron winning the MVP, you could give Marshawn person of the year every season. He does what he wants and lives the best version of himself every day. Again, we have to remember that “Person of the Year” isn’t about on-field accomplishments. It’s about who is the best human being that we have on this Earth in this moment.
The icing on the cake of this nomination is his new show (despite it being made by those cornballs at Bleacher Report):
And of course there was the most majestic moment of the NFL season involving Marshawn:
If you were putting bets on January 1st of this year about who would be the person of the year, no way you had Shannon in the running. Because 1st off, whatever that show is with Skip is the worst show in television history. No hyperbole, it’s not a show that any human can watch for more than 5 minutes. Skip isn’t relevant any more, and Shannon just doesn’t know a whole lot about sports other than football. More importantly in the sports debate show realm, he doesn’t know how to bullshit his way through a debate.
About midway through this year though, Shannon came into his own and realized that you don’t need to be knowledgeable to be loved. You just have to be loud and not care what people think of you. There was a 3 week run where at least 3 times a week on Twitter there would be a clip of Shannon that would make me actually laugh. Do you know how rare that is on the Internet nowadays? Not talking about scrolling past a tweet and you say “ha that’s funny” inside your head. Literally laughing like a human being. It’s not easy, but Shannon was doing it, for the culture.
And he knows how to come off the Milds and Yak to make poignant points at crucial times:
This is a democratic process, and my vote counts equal to everyone else’s. But look if Lavar doesn’t win this award heads will roll.
Think about where Lavar was last year. He was the sometimes-covered father of a top NBA prospect, who got the occasional coverage that he had to manufacture. In 2017? He got into a verbal war of words with Lebron, went on First take, WWE, and CNN, started his own clothing and apparel company, talked his son going to the Lakers into existence, launched a reality show on Facebook, and got tweeted about by the President. In 365 days. He’s become as much of a household name as some NBA superstars in the span of a year, and it’s truly unbelievable. In the basketball world, he’s in the top 10 most famous personalities in the world. Not most accomplished or most skilled, but most known. Last year he was maybe top 75? I judge “most famous personalities” by whether or not my mother would know them. Kobe, Lebron, Shaq, KD, Steph, or Michael Jordan my mother would know, because every time they do something or say something they’re in the news. But like Anthony Davis? Or Kawhi? Or Kyrie? They’re basketball players, and it ends once they walk off the court. Lavar moves the needle for the general public at a rate that’s more similar to that first group than it is to the second group.
If you don’t believe it, math nerd Darren Rovell is here to back it up:
And no, the kids shouldn’t be on here over Lavar. “But they’re the ones on the court” looking ass. This has been strictly Lavar’s year. Without him, those kids would still be successful. Lonzo would still be in the league. Liangelo would be sitting on the bench at UCLA. Lamelo would be a top 10 recruit. No chance, though, they would be a top selling NBA jersey, or have their own shoe line, or be packing an AAU gym so tight in mid-July that Lebron James couldn’t even get in. These are the facts, and you know it in your heart. Now, look back at Big Var’s best moments of the year:
(that was the moment I knew I loved him. MJ slander goes a long way when you’re trying to steal my heart)
With that, we wrap up our Person of the Year nominees. The ball’s in your court now. We’ll have a poll on our Twitter over the next 24 hours with the four finalists, and we’ll respect the results of that. If you feel someone got snubbed, let us know and we’ll ignore you. Winner announced tomorrow!