Sign Our Petition For Lavar Ball To Play Donald Trump in 1 on 1 For the Presidency

The tweets have to stop:

The news interviews have to stop:

Remember when the Church had two popes at the same time? I think it was somewhere around 500 a.d. or 1600 a.d., around that time frame. Things didn’t work. Why? Because they were leading two cultures simultaneously. There were those loyal to one pope, and others loyal to the other, and there was no way of reconciling their differences. Luckily for us, James Naismith has been born since then.

We can’t have Lavar and Donald feuding forever. It’s bad for the culture, and then it’s bad for his people too. Therefore, a proposition: 1 on 1 for both the culture, and the Presidency. If Donald wins, he brings on the whole culture. Little Caesars, Lil Pump, Gang Sign John Wall, etc. We all have to support him. BUT if and when Lavar wins, he gets the Presidency. That’s honestly a very fair trade. Because if Donald gets the culture, he’ll basically be good to become a King and just rule for the next like 40 years. So he’d be all in for that. On the flip of it, he also doesn’t seem like he really wants to be President, so we’re giving him a way out.

Shoutout to one of the leaders of the culture, Desus Nice aka (I can’t do all of his aka’s, both due to lack of memory and vulgarity) for being the first to suggest this:

And shoutout to us for starting the petition:

lavar ball petition.png


Some notes on the rules: 21 is the universal number for a pick up basketball game. Any one who doesn’t play win by 2 is a mouthbreather. Only playing by 1’s makes it a game of longevity, giving Lavar the edge he deserves. West side 6 is the preferred method of make it take it. Sorry that I had to explain it in parentheses so now it looks lame but the people needed to all know what it was.

Now 100,000 is a much steeper number than I expected we were going to need, but my faith in humanity is strong for this one. Left or right, white or black, Big or Small baller, this is something the whole country needs. Charge $2 per person for the PPV, and wow we just raised $700 million for the troops. Do your part. Tell a friend, an enemy, and a waitress. Updates to follow

P.S. score prediction: Lavar 21-4


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