John Wall, Suge Knight, and Stephen A’s Butt: Recapping Last Night’s Wizards-Celtics Game

The game seems secondary to the experience of a night of basketball sometimes. Because you can have a terrible game, but a great night of Twitter that makes up for it. Through the first 3 quarters, it was just mehhhh all around. Meh game, and meh Twitter. But then things picked up, in about the last 10 seconds.

You had Isaiah Thomas defer to Al Horford (I puked typing that), who closed his eyes and hit a lucky shot to give the Cs the lead:

Then John Wall came back and did John Wall things, in Korean for your listening pleasure:

So all of those were good, fun basketball things. Game 7’s going to be a brawl in every sense of the word, and I can’t wait for it. Luckily, we had a great Twitter night too. You had John Wall looking like he was about to lead all the Wizards fans into battle:

And you had his body guard. Which is a proposterous person to have on the court with you, because there’s already 100 cops surrounding the court. Halfway in between power move and doing too much. It’s well known that John Wall is about that life, so I understand the body guard. There might be some people coming at him. But for some reason, this guy caught Twitter’s eye because he reminded them of somebody. Can’t figure out who:

Anybody have any idea?

I just can’t think of the guy

I’ll be up all night trying to figure it out, someone just tell me already

Whatever, let’s move on. Let’s get to my favorite moment of the night, and quite possibly the season. Markieff Morris, of hitman fame (I couldn’t find the link, but that’s something I read once so it’s automatically true), walked off the court after the W, and gave Stephen A Smith one of the firmest slaps to the bum you’ll ever see:

That video deserves a spot in the basketball Hall of Fame. This is more damaging to Stephen A Smith’s career than when he claimed Ray Rice’s wife shouldn’t have provoked him. Because once Stephen A didn’t go put Markieff in a chokehold and make him apologize, he’s opened up the doors to this happening every game from here on out. 5 years down the road, we’ll have analytics on teams that slap Stephen A’s ass after their games. “Stephen A’s bum is no bum! Teams that slap his rear are 55-4 in their next game over the last 5 years”. That’s the world I want to live in.


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