A good old fashioned point shaving rumor (don’t @ me that this was a joke from Chris Haynes, get the stick out of your buttocks). I’m all in on this, and we’re running with it. Let’s look at the facts.
1. James Harden took 11 shots
He averages 29 points per game and 19 shots, yet he only put up 11 last night. And 9 of them were from behind the arc. Really he’s been setting it up all year by passing, so that at some point he could make his bosses happy and throw a game there way, by passing any time he had an open shot.
2. James Harden dated Khloe Kardashian, who’s Armenian
I did some reading up on the Armenian Mafia (they have a Wikipedia page and I read the first 3 sentences), and they have some deep deep ties to illegal gambling. Where, do you ask? In California. Where’s James Harden from? California. Who’d he date? Khloe Kardashian. Who’s of Armenian heritage and lives in…. hm, what do you know, CALIFORNIA. We’re cooking now, folks.
3. James Harden has a beard
If you’re committing a crime, you obviously want people to not think you’re committing that crime. That’s why Anthony Weiner never stood a chance, because the first thing you thought of when you heard his name was genitalia, so he was guilty before he even started sending pics of said genitalia to underage women. But when you think of James Harden, you think of that long beard that James Harden doesn’t shave. You think “James Harden…Doesn’t Shave”. Exactly what someone who’s shaving would want you to think of first. He doesn’t shave so that he can shave in the shadows.
Wow. Is this what the guys that uncovered WaterGate feel like? I’m floating right now having started to bring down the biggest scandal in modern sports history. Unbelievable.
UPDATE: This started as a joke, but now I think this is very real. Not the first time James Harden’s been accused of point shaving. And we know that message boards are where investigations start. Actually, not even the second time that James Harden and point shaving have been used in the same breath. Remember that one time Grantland jokingly said “well the only explanation other than a Lil B curse is point shaving lolololol” in 2015?
For the sake of my fans, I won’t sleep until we get to the bottom of it. First things first, let’s go find some sources (anybody who knows how people do that please let me know in the comments).