Soccer Player Arrested Mid-Match On Kidnapping Charges

Via Sports Illustrated:

A soccer player in Brazil who had managed to evade capture since an October kidnapping was arrested Wednesday in the middle of his team’s match. Marlon Natanael de Lima Alexandre, a 21-year-old player for Sapucaiense in the Campeonato Gaúcho Second Division, was approached by police as he sat on the bench. He was wanted on four arrest warrants, according to local outlet Gaúcha, including one for his alleged participation in a violent kidnapping. A 67-year-old woman was kidnapped at gunpoint outside a mall in October and the attackers used her credit cards to make about $1,400 in purchases. 

Two things I don’t like to do: make broad generalizations about entire countries, and make generalizations based on how people look. But with deep sympathy and regret, I have to tell you that I’m about to do both of them.

First, let’s generalize about that whole country down there. Brazil just doesn’t seem like a place I’ll ever be going anywhere near. Lots of kidnappings and robbings there. So many, that I don’t understand why anyone ever carries anything worth more than like $9 with them. But what even puts me off more, they have the Amazon rainforest where there’s 2.5 millions species of insects and spiders the size of puppies. Google that. I refuse to link to it because I refuse to look it up again, but it’s real. So 2/2 reasons why I’ll never be going to Brazil.

Good, we got that out of the way. Now let’s generalize about appearance. If you want to get tattoos, go for it. God bless ya. Anyone who’s still 100% anti-tattoo probably also thinks hip hop is the biggest threat to society. But there are a few tattoos that are basically an “I’m guilty” plea. Number one is the tear drop on your face, obviously. Second in line though has to be the diamond behind the ear. Without reading one piece of evidence or knowing anything about this case, there’s no doubt this guy held that old lady up. Some stereotypes are true people.

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