Pentagon Tells Employees That Watching NCAA Games At Work Will Endanger America’s Safety

Via CBS:

CLASSIFICATION: UNCLASSIFIED

JSP Notice: March Madness Video Streaming and Network Consumption

SUMMARY: March Madness is officially upon us. Your JSP support team acknowledges and appreciates that college basketball fans within the DoD are excited to cheer on their favorite teams, update brackets, and otherwise obsess over the Big Dance. In preparation for the event, JSP engineers will closely monitor bandwidth consumption and server availability to handle additional network strain as best as they can. However, it is important to remember that we share a single network and visiting non-mission essential websites degrades network performance for everyone.

Please keep in mind; if you’re streaming video to watch your favorite player shooting free throws, you’re consuming network resources that could be served to support the Warfighter.

If you experience any questions or concerns, please contact the JSP Service Desk for assistance.

Sincerely,

Joint Service Provider (JSP)

Communications

Warfighter sounds like it’s a big deal. Off the top of my head, I’d guess it’s a giant laser we use to fight aliens and/or North Korea. Hell of a guilt trip from the Pentagon to do this. Because even though it’s the Pentagon, there’s some pencil pushers there just trying to punch the clock. Like the Joint Chiefs aren’t streaming the games on their phone today, but we can’t let Bill from accounting have this one moment of happiness? Guy’s been pushing numbers for 30 years, let him have this day. Guy goes home and has to hear it from the wife, and Lord knows those kids are going to put up a fight about doing their homework tonight. More bills came in the mail today. Heat’s broken. Only thing getting him through the year are these two days of college basketball. And knowing his luck, the minute he throws the stream on the Warfighter will break down, people will die, and it’ll alllll be on HIS back because you guilted him for trying to get one freaking moment of serendipity. He’s Stanley from The Office, and this is his Pretzel Day you’re canceling. #LetBillWatchTheTourney

 

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