Are People Not Drinking Enough Chocolate Milk?

Did I miss something? Is there an overflow of chocolate milk in this country? Somewhere there’s a cave full of chocolate milk that hasn’t been sold, leaving milk executives and their shareholders worried? Why all the sudden do we have these generic chocolate milk commercials with NBA stars?

I can’t answer that, but it’s time we all do our part and grab a half gallon of milk tonight. Because this isn’t nesquik coming out and saying buy chocolate milk. This is the entire milk industry saying you need to buy milk, specifically chocolate milk (sort of milk affirmative action). Always figured chocolate milk was bullet proof, like there’s always going to be an audience for that (your boy was a big chocolate milk carton guy in grade school, if you went vanilla (?) milk you’re a squid)

More likely though, it’s the government pushing this on us. Here’s a fact I heard once that I can’t source and chose not to look up: in the [time period that Ronald Reagan was president], the government bought up a bunch of milk and signed future milk contracts with dairy farmers, just to find out that people don’t really love milk. So then they started to tell people milk’s really good for you, and they started all these ad campaigns convincing people that. Is the same thing going on with chocolate milk? Yes. Sources indicate that to me (big time Internet trick, nobody’s allowed to reveal their sources ever so you can just lie about having them).

AND BTW THERE’S A MILLION ARTICLES PRAISING KLAY THOMPSON OVER THIS CHOCOLATE MILK AD, BIG MILK IS PAYING OFF ALL THE BLOGGERS, I’M ON TO YOU. IF THEY FIND ME DEAD, IT WAS EITHER DEAN’S OR KIRKLAND (or throw me a little cheddar and I’ll write a great piece about Klay and chocolate milk)

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