Things I Thought Would Be More Important: Hieroglyphs

If you made me ballpark how many grades we learned about hieroglyphs, I’d say at least 6 grades. Straight. Starting at the least in 1st grade up through 6th, more likely Kindergarten through sophomore year of high school.

By that logic, there should be at least one place in the world that I’d encounter hieroglyphs, outside of museums. Maybe a town in Oklahoma. Or a village in Egypt. Somewhere, there should absolutely be a town where all the signs are in hieroglyphs. Give me some reason to have learned about hieroglyphs for like a DECADE.

And what a dumb language too. Actually, unfair to call it a language at all. Here’s what went down. Some guys broke into a pyramid. Found some pictures. Decided that was a language. Not a language, I refuse to accept that. Plus who were those guys to decide what each of those pictures meant? I can around 200% guarantee that every hieroglyph translation that’s ever been done is wrong. Found a hieroglyphs translator online, and translated a word. I want you to try and guess the word:


Butterball. The word’s butterball. Does. Not. Add. Up. And hey hieroglyphs, make up your mind: is it hieroglyphs or hieroglyphics?


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