5 Things I Need To Get Off My Chest Before 2017 Starts

Rolling down the clock on 2016, and what a year we’ve had. Not like me personally or anything, but just the sports world as a whole. There were triumphs, as the Cubs and Cavs ended their championship droughts, and Josh Hart had the greatest shot in college basketball history. Of course there was tragedy, with the sports world mourning Ali, Sager, Arnold Palmer, Jose Fernandez, and it seemed like a thousand more big names.

But let’s look outside of sports, and instead to Paul’s brain. Not the worst year for the brain either if we’re being honest, but there’s a few things trapped in there I need to get out before we step into 2016. 5 quick points I need to make so I can go into 2017 with a clear mind.

  • Steven Avery from Making A Murder DEFINITELY murdered that woman
  • Adnan Syed from Serial DEFINITELY murdered that girl
  • I know for a fact there are still dinosaurs somewhere on this planet, I just don’t have enough evidence yet to make the full case
  • I won’t ever really care about the manner in which we kill chickens, no matter how many videos of the methods pop up on Facebook
  • Home Alone 2 has so many plot holes it’s sickening. I’m supposed to believe that the escaped burglars would decide to go to NYC, the city with the most cops in the country and a huge FBI office, after they break out of prison? And in this city of 8 million people, they just so happen to run into little Macaulay Culkin? And now that they’ve run into him, the movie transitions to the two of them trying to kidnap and murder Macaulay Culkin. People overlook that. It’s a story about them trying to MURDER this kid. THAT MAKES NO SENSE. Plus in what world do they let people get on a plane without a ticket? And in what world does a hotel allow a 10 year old to use a credit card to get a hotel room? And in what world would anyone be able to do the fake-shooting thing Macaulay does by playing the “merry Christmas you filthy animals” scene without the cops being called? If you actually thought that someone had a machine gun in their room, and they were shooting at you, you’re not going to call the police? The whole movie just makes my stomach turn.

Wow, okay we got through that together. Deep breath. Let’s put 2016 behind us, and clear up our minds for 2017.

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