Things I Thought Would Be More Important: The Alphabet

Have you ever thought about how different the world might be if the alphabet didn’t exist? Think of all the arbitrary things we’ve used the alphabet to determine: where people sit in class, where companies are listed in a phone book, how far down your music library you have to scroll before you get to the new Yellowcard album.

We’ve put so much importance onto something that in reality doesn’t mean anything, like at all. Just a random assortment of sounds we make and the shapes we arbitrarily gave to represent them.

Personally, your boy’s a middle of the alphabet guy. Which is tricky, because sometimes I’d get that prime middle row, back of the class spot, but other times I’d be middle row, front seat. You just have to think if people at the end of the alphabet would be smarter if they were sitting at the front of the alphabet. I guess Zuckerberg would be an exception to that. My theory’s falling apart a bit.

alphabet.jpg

But when you’re about to fall asleep tonight, right before you smack that REM Cycle (I’m a science major, not to brag), think about why the letters are in the order they’re in. Put yourself in a little Auntie Anne’s Mind Pretzel for a minute.

AND WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THE DAMN SONG? WE WEREN’T CREATIVE ENOUGH TO COME UP WITH AN ORIGINAL TUNE? WE HAD TO STEAL FROM TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR? DO OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE A SONG FOR THEIR ALPHABET OR JUST US DUMB AMERICANS?

Lastly, you’ve just got to wonder whether it’s a long term conspiracy from Google, to get us to all use the alphabet the last however hundreds of years, just to change their company’s name to Alphabet. Sneaky SOB’s, should’ve seen this coming from a mile away.

*Adding this variation of the alphabet song to show creativity isn’t dead*

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